Ho! ho! ho!

Somewhere, someone in administration has developed a sense of humour.

Each morning, we print out a computer list of our patients that tells us how long they have been in hospital and when we are really lucky, where they are.

This morning, my resident showed me my list. Admitted at midnight to my unit was Santa Claus, with travellers' diarrhoea!

We went to see Santa (who looked amazingly like the resuscitation training manikin with cotton wool taped to his chin). At the bedside, we noted very prominent auditory and visual hallucinations (he sees elves and flying reindeer) and also unshakable delusions of grandeur (he is the only one who can make sure every child has a gift).

With these things in mind we sent off an urgent referral to the psychiatry liaison and consultation service.

Meanwhile, a parking permit application form was sent back to admin for processing.

Lighten up, ok?

For more than six months now, I've been regularly sniping at my employer. At first it was a way to let off some steam and indulge in the occasional irony. Really though, it is a hollow solution and it's tiresome. Looking back over the posts, the blog makes me sound bitter and twisted, which I'm not... I don't think...well not much.

Even if I'm simply writing to myself, I'd like to make this here blog (ugh, get out of it, Jethro...) Where was I? Yes, turn this blog into a more open discussion of Western medicine as it appears from my tiny corner of the profession.

I'm sure Q Health hasn't changed a bit but I think, maybe, I have.

Crunch time.

My employer and I may be rapidly approaching crunch time. Three local health districts are to be amalgamated into one mega district. All senior medical staff have been 'invited' to a lunch-to-afternoon tea long meeting at a suburban motel. The email reads "Please be advised you have been invited..." Has the ring of a summons, don't you think?

The only reason Frank Burns would serve lunch and afternoon tea would be to ameliorate bad news. What bad news? Most likely, my colleagues and I will be asked/required to provide after-hours on-call services to more than one hospital at the same time and take weekend rounds at more than one hospital. In my mind, 'amalgamation' is simply a shorthand for decreased services and cost cutting.

I've just Google-Earthed the journey. A round trip through the burbs, from home to each of the three relevant hospitals and back, will mean driving about 84 km. Now, I like driving, I do, and I like Brisbane but I can think of better ways to spend a Saturday or Sunday morning. Oh, you can always listen to the radio or to talking books....yeah....yeah.

Traffic aside, covering more than one hospital at a time is not safe for patients. Murphy dictates that if more than one problem can take place at the same time and in different locations they most certainly will. It is also unfair on junior staff because of the increased pressure caused by removing an immediate source of supervision. I've tried it before and I can tell you: remote control medicine doesn't work.

As for myself, taking the added responsibility of supervising an increased number of junior staff when on call, particularly when I won't have worked with them on a day to day basis is not a good thing. The money side of things is always last on my list but the eleven dollars and two cents per hour I receive for fielding calls after hours is not enough if the number of calls is to be trebled.

As it is, I cannot attend the meeting. Sorry Frank. I'll have to wait and see the outcome. I might be trying to cross bridges before I come to them but on the other hand, just because you are paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. A request to cover two or more hospitals at the same time will mean my resignation.